Christmas can already be a challenging time, and for some reason people seem to make it even harder with unwanted comments on our bodies and what we are eating.
Some of the worst offenders can be ‘well-meaning’ family members. Aunty Ann asking ‘oh, you’re having seconds’, Cousin Colin chips in ‘I thought you were trying to be good?’
Their words can be crushing.
It baffles me how comfortable people are to make these kind of comments, but fear not. I have some suggestions to help you navigate the season of goodwill without ending up in custody for strangling Cousin Kat for asking if you should be eating that much custard!
Prepare and Set Boundaries:
Anticipate potential comments: Think about what’s happened in the past and what might be said, then use this to prepare responses.
Set some boundaries: Decide ahead of time what topics are off-limits. This might include comments on your weight, body shape, food choices, or activity/exercise habits.
If you feel comfortable, tell people: Before the gathering, you could politely express your boundaries either verbally or by text. For example, you could say something like, "I'm working on feeling good about my body, so I'd appreciate it if we could avoid commenting on each other's weight or food choices."
In the Moment, if comments are made:
Directly but politely address the comment: You can use a calm and assertive voice to respond to the comment directly. Some examples:
"I'd prefer not to talk about my weight/body."
"I'm happy with my choices."
"That's not really something I'm comfortable discussing."
Change the subject: If you don't want to talk about it, try to steer the conversation in a different direction. You could say something like, “I forgot to tell you…”, "Speaking of something else..." or "How about we talk about..."
Excuse yourself: If the comments continue or you feel uncomfortable, it's okay to excuse yourself from the conversation or leaving altogether. You could say you need to go to the loo, make a call, or simply need some fresh air.
Remember Your Worth:
Try not to take it personally: Sometimes, these comments, albeit unwelcome, may be well-intentioned. People can be unaware of the impact their words can have. Try not to internalise/ dwell on their comments or let them affect your self-esteem.
Focus on your well-being: Prioritise your mental and emotional health. Remember that your worth is not defined by your weight or appearance.
Seek support: If you're struggling with the comments or their impact, talk to a close friend, family member, therapist.
Being British, I know it can be difficult to be assertive or set boundaries. But if we don’t challenge these behaviours, they’re only going to continue or get worse. Protecting your mental wellbeing is never rude.
No one has any right to make comments about what or how much you’re eating, nor how you look.
It is your body.
Your choice.
Merry Christmas ya filthy animal 😘!
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